No, I, of course, understand the joy of a dazed 40-year-old mother, who, finally, after a career, a third husband and long medical procedures, a long-awaited firstborn was born. (I’m talking here about a certain category of American mothers.) And now this child, born in a land of opportunities and a bright present, doesn’t know how to distort himself from an excess of toys, chocolates, and sometimes from maternal love. Of course, you need to love your child. But there is such a category of moms who, if they could sit at the same desk with the child, tell him the answers and at the same time feed them with candy, would gladly do it. This is not very clear to me. I do not exclude that I am not a model mother.
A couple of years ago, my classmate invited my daughter to her birthday party. A classmate had an anniversary - 5 (!) Years. To be worthy of note, her entire class was invited and another parallel class, just in case, so that the whole school would know which matinees are arranged by her mother. The birthday girl was a fairy, her birthday was fabulous and themed. After group bathing in the pool in the yard (it was in California), the 5-year-old fairy changed from a fairy swimsuit in a fairy dress, sat on the throne that stood on a small knoll, and all the other children, who were 25 people, were told to sit at the throne downstairs and watch the fairy open the presents. The gifts are opened, the song is sung 2 times (once for the camera), the children are sent home. Bow, applause ...
If she is put on the throne at the age of 5, so that the others literally bow before her, what will happen to her at 16? Self-confidence is certainly a good thing. But really, this self-conceit should be inflated to such an extent? It is clear that when a child is 5 years old, such a holiday is arranged more for parents than for children. But the child will not forget, and the next year will expect a feast no less.
Sometimes children need to be pampered, but at the same time, they should be taught respect for others, and I doubt that sitting on the throne instills such respect. The French philosopher Jean Baudrillard wrote back in the 1980s that America is a country of excess, and this is problematic. They really have everything. People living in houses often can afford not only a nursery, but also a room for games. A separate room, sometimes the entire basement or attic, is lined up, packed, packed with toys. Toys are cheap, sold at every step. But does a 7-year-old child need 35 Barbies, 20 Kenes, 15 sets of markers, 284 cars and 8 sets of railways? No, the child is not just not necessary - it's all superfluous. When you have 35 Barbies or 215 machines - what's the difference if you break one? Or 10? After all, how much is left - nowhere to go.
Such an excess causes a corresponding attitude. Firstly, nothing is appreciated, and the 36th Barbie is already not enthusiastic. As well as the 25th train. For a child, these things mean nothing, broke one — eat or buy another, and then this attitude manifests itself towards toys and things of a neighbor on a desk or a friend in the garden: so what if I broke his typewriter? Get them in the store, milen! And since toys for children (especially small children) are something personally important, then the same attitude is expressed towards people. So what if the muck said to a friend - and tomorrow I will have a new friend! Or even 5!
And parents are touched - I have such a friendly child! He / she has a new friend every day! God grant it to be friendliness. But, unfortunately, most often this is due to the inability to appreciate what is, and children are treated with a man, a toy, a book — anything! - respectively.
I remember trips to vaccinations to the pediatrician, who in between times asked: “What do your children eat? Do you feed them with ordinary food? ”I wondered what else to feed them, the feline? It turns out the doctor is about something else. Parents often cook two dinners: one for adults, the other for children. And this is not about babies, who, of course, cannot chew meatballs and carrots, or those who are half allergic to the refrigerator. It's about children who shout "I do not want!" Ugh, I don't like it! ”They throw the plate on the floor. "Oh my God! - mom is in a panic. - My child will die of starvation! I'll go and heat him pizza. ” “Yeah,” he thinks, “will you eat this carrot-soup soup on a fig when you can shout and give pizza and ice cream?” So it turns out two dinners, and sometimes mom and dad eat healthier foods than their naughty little children. Grandmothers also like to do this sometimes, but grandmothers are a separate topic, they can do a lot of things, which is impossible for parents, and it’s not about them.
Such endless indulgences, wardrobes crammed with attire, some of which are thrown away or transferred to some organization. still tagged, rooms full of toys, selective food, sitting on the throne - all this tells the child one thing: I can do everything, I have everything, why should I do something else? (listen to parents, learn, think, work ...) Or, even worse: I always have enough, I need 500 Barbies, 300 Kenes! Well, and so on ... Such an attitude is not the engine of progress, it is rather a regressive engine that develops greed, envy and dissatisfaction with oneself - there is always a little! The most difficult thing in the country of excess is to find a measure in everything. I had to declare a moratorium on toys: not more than one per child for a holiday, old ones in good condition - for charity.
Baudrillard writes: “What to do after the orgy? What to do when everything is there? ”And he, as a philosopher is supposed to, does not give a special answer. He writes about America in general, but the same logic applies to raising children. It may be worthwhile not to bring the matter to the "orgy" and not to buy every toy in the store, but simply to say "no." Because most likely, when this child grows up, he will hear “no” in his life more than once, and then what will he do? Throw plates on the floor? Punching? Shoot a gun? ...